For years now, the government has been carrying out military training drills with zombies as the enemy. The zombie exercises appeared to be kitschy and fun—government agents running around trying to put down a zombie rebellion—but what if the zombies in the exercises were us, the citizenry, viewed by those in power as mindless, voracious, zombie hordes? Take a look at the Defense Department’s battle plan for defeating an army of the walking dead and decide for yourself. You might find yourself tempted to giggle over the fact that a taxpayer-funded government bureaucrat actually took the time to research and write about vegetarian zombies, evil magic zombies, chicken zombies, space zombies, bio-engineered weaponized zombies, radiation zombies, symbiant-induced zombies, and pathogenic zombies. However, in an age of extreme government paranoia, this is no laughing matter.